You know what Xbox Live is really missing?

Datel does.

The clever folks in their research and development department have spent hours analysing the millions of Xbox Live players, observing their habits, and listening to their voice communications. They then ran this mountain of data through a very complicated computing machine (probably one so advance that they had to ask Dave Perry to help show them how to even plug it in).

This calculating behemoth then spat out the specifications for this monstrous hunk of cheap plastic.

I introduce to you, the Datel Trash Talk, a device specifically created to more easily facilitate your being the most annoying player on Xbox Live at any given moment. My reaction to stumbling across that product page was pretty much an "the end of Planet of the Apes" type moment.

Why not slip in a soundbite from your favourite film or TV show, to activate during the game?

If you have to even ask that question, you'll never really understand the pain you have caused, you phenomenal cretins. God damn you all to hell.